Two Men + One Purple Nurple = Zero Sex Discrimination

Little known fact: Pythagoras invented the Pythagorean theorem around 500 BC, which he nearly dubbed the  Chicken Pot Pie theorem, because he loved CPPs so much. That same year, Pythagoras’s brother, Sarogahtyp, discovered that, when one man tweaks another man’s nipple, it’s not sex discrimination. But, it will get you a black eye — especially when the recipient is your brother and he’s finalizing his legendary theorem when finishing off a flaky CPP.

Thousands of years later, it still holds true that when a man delivers a purple nurple — some of you know it by a more boorish synonym — to a male subordinate, it may be “manifestly inappropriate and obnoxious,” as one federal appellate court ruled last week, but it’s probably not sex discrimination.

Let this sink in for a sec. A federal appellate court — one small step below the Supreme Court — published an opinion (here) about a nipple tweak. Here’s what the Eighth Circuit had to say:

Payne’s alleged behavior–while manifestly inappropriate and obnoxious–is insufficient to show Payne harbored hostility against men in the workplace. Rickard speculates Payne’s actions were motivated by sexual desire, but Rickard admits Payne never pursued a sexual or romantic relationship with him, and Rickard offered no evidence or reasonable inferences suggesting Payne’s behavior was motivated by sexual desire.

With holiday parties coming up, maybe add this to your list of 99 best practices: no nipple tweaks. And speaking of holiday warnings…

Now, damn, if this can’t get you to vote for my blog in the ABA Blawg 100, I dunno what will. So, take a few seconds, click here, and vote for The Employer Handbook as the top Labor and Employment Law Blog, would ya! Heck, vote twice! Once for each nipple.