“My fake eye was falling out of its socket,” and 12 other wild missed-work excuses

Honestly, I was ready to call in sick and use “Bunkered in for the Apocalypse” as my excuse.

I had no other explanation after Nick Foles passed for seven touchdowns yesterday. Seriously, weren’t you at least a bit concerned?

Yep, CareerBuilder’s annual list of “Most Outrageous Excuses Workers Have Given When Calling in Sick” is back. “Employee’s sobriety tool wouldn’t allow the car to start” topped last year’s list.

Find out what made the Top 13 this year, after the jump…

According to the recent Career Builder Survey, “in the past year, nearly one third (32 percent) of workers have called in sick when not actually ill, up slightly from last year (30 percent). On the flip side, 30 percent of employees say they’ve gone to work despite actually being sick in order to save their sick days for when they’re feeling well.”

If you have employees who are coming to work sick, please send them home. However, if you have employees who are calling out with one of the following thirteen excuses from the Survey, it might be time to find a replacement altogether…

• • Employee’s false teeth flew out the window while driving down the highway
  • Employee’s favorite football team lost on Sunday so needed Monday to recover
  • Employee was quitting smoking and was grouchy
  • Employee said that someone glued her doors and windows shut so she couldn’t leave the house to come to work
  • Employee bit her tongue and couldn’t talk
  • Employee claimed a swarm of bees surrounded his vehicle and he couldn’t make it in
  • Employee said the chemical in turkey made him fall asleep and he missed his shift
  • Employee felt like he was so angry he was going to hurt someone if he came in
  • Employee received a threatening phone call from the electric company and needed to report it to the FBI
  • Employee needed to finish Christmas shopping
  • Employee’s fake eye was falling out of its socket
  • Employee got lost and ended up in another state
  • Employee couldn’t decide what to wear