I have a turtle named Sparky. And Sparky is going to die.

On September 9, 2011, I am going to carve up Sparky and make a nice turtle soup, unless…

…Unless every one of my readers nominates me for the ABA Journal’s Blawg 100 Amici (a/k/a the 100 best damn law blogs on the interwebs). The nomination deadline is September 9.

I know what you’re thinking. Moron is ~~a cold, heartless bastard~~ recycling a stupid internet bit. And you would be right. I don’t own a turtle. My wife had a turtle once. It smelled and it bit her sister.

* * *

No, what I have been doing is secretly logging IP addresses of The Employer Handbook visitors. Oh, you didn’t read The Employer Handbook fine print — it’s in white and you need a UV light and a Cap’n Crunch decoder ring to decipher it. But allow me to summarize:

All visitors pay a $5 access fee…per click.

Trust me. The folks in Legal tell me it’s a binding contract. But, I’m offering each of you an out. Nominate my blog for the ABA Journal’s Blawg 100 Amici, and I will forgive your debt…no questions asked.

So here’s what you do:

Click this link.

Fill out the form. For suggestions on how to fill out the form, click here.

Email this page to 5 friends. Mention the turtle, not the contract. I need the money.

The whole process takes 30 seconds. You will have saved a turtle and a few bucks as well. But seriously, if you dig this blog and you are not my dad — dads are not eligible to nominate — then take a few seconds and cast a vote for The Employer Handbook.

Thank you and have a great weekend.