No pants in the office leads to sexual harassment claims, you guys.

i·ro·ny (noun)

/ˈīrənē,ˈiərnē/
1. the expression of one’s meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.
“The irony of this blog post is that I am typing it with no pants.”

Look folks, in all seriousness ***waits patiently while you napalm your brains***, I was reading this case last night, which even by my scorched-employment-lawyer prurient standards strikes me as shocking. Sure, I could restate all of the tawdry facts in this post to transparently boost my SEO. Instead, I’ll just sum it up in with a single paragraph from the opinion:

On May 18, 2012, the sales team played a mix of music containing sexually explicit lyrics. One co-worker “ripped off his pants and strutted around the office in his peach colored briefs. When [Plaintiff] implored him to put his pants back on, [the co-worker] replied ‘put that in your lawsuit.'”

So, she did. And, she also included the semen on the office bathroom sink.

(Ok, a touch gratuitous…)

Look folks, if you want a sure-fire way to end up at trial staring down the barrel of a sexual harassment claim with punitive damages at stake, read this opinion and do exactly what the employer-defendant did, right down to describing the work atmosphere as “good for morale and ‘created a fun sales environment.'”

Then call me. And we’ll chat about large retainers and such.